The 2 Cent King

Relationships Re-Revisited

                                                                                                                                   Saturday, July 24, 2004
Looks like relationships is such a topic than can easily keep "us" bloggers not look for new topics  to blog about for a while.  Taking a cue from Megha's blogs on relationships, I thought I would also jump in with this article on the web which came from one of the emails  from eDiets I got registered to(don't know how) . These are the views from  Rhode Island psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, M.D.

"The largest percentage of adult men? Married men. And until now they've had no voice contends Haltzman. It could be argued that men don't need another voice; their voice in the culture is loud enough for most women. But Haltzman argues that married men are different and need a voice because they are at a distinct disadvantage in relationships, verbally and emotionally.
The average woman uses 7,000 words a day and five tones of speech, he points out. The average man uses 2,000 words and three tones. "Men are talk-impaired, relatively speaking," he says.
Men are also impaired at experiencing emotion. They need help figuring out what to do. Some things are not intuitive. Talking about feelings, for example, increases men's stress levels.
Sometimes marriage is flawless. But most often it is not. Men who stay married have somehow learned techniques to preserve their relationships. He notes that "most men have learned these techniques on their own and don't do it in obvious ways." Haltzman contends that marriage is as much a health issue as a quality of life issue. Married men make more money, have more peace of mind and have more and better sex. Marriage also lowers men's health risk, while divorce raises the risk of death by 200 percent for men.
So Haltzman is busy researching ways to help understand the relationship patterns of husbands and wives.

Here are tidbits of his own wisdom:
Working on a relationship is a man's job as much as a woman's. Often it is the man's behavior that predicts whether a couple stays together. Men need to accept the influence of their wives.
Once men decide to marry, they are more committed to the relationship than women are.
Guys look at relationships differently from women, but the most commonly discussed ways of fixing relationships are geared to feminine styles.
"Men really do feel incredible passion for their wives, but they don't recognize it sometimes."
"Most affairs don't happen by chance meetings. Infidelity occurs in up to 40 percent of marriages. By age 45, two out of every five men and one out of every five women has had at least one affair.

"For an overwhelming majority of spouses who cheat -- 80 percent -- the reason is not sexual. Most simply seek validation, warmth, understanding or love."

And here's his single wisest piece of advice: "Marriages improve when a spouse learns to shift away from his or her own personal desires and listen to the needs of the husband or wife. "

I don't know how much of this is true. But thought this would bring more hits to my blog.:-)

by gvenum @  11:55 AM                                                                                                                                                                 

  • #by Blogger U totally Rock Dude !, at July 24, 2004 5:50 PM

    Yo Baabu !
    Nice article to look from the Man's perspective ! When someone gets into a relationship, either man or woman, they no longer stay "I/me" ... they become "We/us" and i guess the sooner they realize that, the better and happier the relationship becomes. I myself have made fun of my friends who say "oo no i ve gotta go ... she s waiting for me". Though from my side, i might be saying it for fun, it does tend to have an effect on ppl's thinking about relationships. They talk about freedom being taken away and no more "space". oh cmon !!! gimme a break, the whole reason why someone got committed to a relationship was he/she wanted that person in his/her life, ofcourse for the better ! Perspectives have to be changed once in a relationship. As i said, its no longer a "me", its "us" now. There is someone else who u share ur life with and it adds an added responsibility to take care of. Talking about freedom, one has to look as to what is important at this stage in a relationship (a committed one i mean). The essence of being a "two-in-one" is whole idea of committing and being in a relationship. That person is ur space !!

    I just put in words what came to my mind after reading this article. Am not as experienced as other guyz reading this, but i think this is how one shud be or think when in a relationship. Am sure someone there is saying "saaala, he ll know when he gets there !!", but what-the-heck, as of today, this is what i think ! ;) and such factors do contribute towards making a relationship successful.

    About fidelity and affairs, this article mentions that the person cheats because he/she seeks validation, warmth, and love. Well, may be true, may not be too. am sure everyone will agree that ... its not true to say that ur spouse no longer loves you, and so am "looking"(/seeking) it outside ! somethings just end up being taken for granted over a period of time and also due to some other added responsibilities (children, their studies, financial situations etc). When there is a guest for dinner at home, some special dishes are made, new desserts tried, dinner table is decorated, house is cleaned etc etc. When the family sits for dinner (like every other nite), its not like this right ?. Does this imply that the guest is more important in anyway than the family members ?? [Whaaaat a looogiiiccc baaaabu !!!!] Well, i ve been trying to find an answer for this for a VERRYY long time and have realised lotsa things over time. It is necessary for the family to enjoy such "decorated dinners" once in a while to show how much they mean to each other as well. These small things, am sure, are as important to making a relationship successful as buying a diamond ring on her birthday !!!

    After all, who r u expressing ur luv to .... its ur spouse !!!

    ooo boooooyyyyyy !!! all fullto high-funda talk there ! My thinking is very philosophical and thus u see all this. Well, most of the above that i ve said also comes from what i ve seen/learnt over the years.

    Thanks for reading my "bloggy" comment patiently !!!


  • #by Blogger Chhotu, at July 24, 2004 9:46 PM

    Hey Venu,

    Nice one here!!!!!! Whats it with relationships and blogs????? Hmm... U guyz got me thinking, I too blogged about it!!!! Follow the leader I Guess!!!!Relationships are in!!!!!!!!!
    I dont think I wanna post a bigger comment, Arun's said it for everybody I guess..besides I dont want to overshadow your stud.. better half;) what say Arun? And i think you should just start blogging!!!!


  • #by Blogger Piper, at July 25, 2004 12:11 AM

    cant believe you are actually posting spam mails on your blog! :))
    lol. this IS a first...


  • #by Blogger Salman, at July 25, 2004 7:46 PM

    Well Venu,

    Keeping the discussion going...Huh! BTW..Nice try as far as TRYING :-) to present from a Guy's perspective. Does this guy, "Scott Haltzman, M.D. " really exist ?? :-)

    Nice concept of - From "I/Me" to "We/Us". Well two things though....

    I guess everyone likes the idea of the "two-in-one". But If "two-in-ones" would really work there would be NO individual radio or tape players selling ;-).

    It took more than 100 years for us (indians) to realise that we were being ruled by British..that we were NOT FREE ;-)

    BTW: Marriage is the Best thing on EARTH :-)


  • #by Anonymous Scott Haltzman, at November 20, 2005 6:51 PM

    Yes, I really exist.
    -Scott Haltzman, MD


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